So today is now Sunday and Azy has been home since Thursday. That’s a whole 4 days with a baby, which I believe is the most amount of time I’ve ever spent consecutively with someone that little. The doctors sent us home telling us that she should eat every 3 hours, so if she is sleeping for more than that, wake her up to feed her. They also informed us of the wonderful fact that infants this small would be in the cluster feeding stage. This means that she would probably want to eat every 30 minutes. All I could think was awesome… so less sleep than I originally thought. Pretty sure my daughter broke the record, she would eat for 2 hours, and then stop. I’d wrap her up to put her down and she would start crying and rooting, telling me, “Mom, jeesh, I’m starving!” That first night was awful! I think I probably got an hour of combined sleep.
The second night home was also pretty terrible, but I think she was getting the hang of life outside of me a little bit more. I got a whole whopping 3 hours of sleep. Believe it or not, I did feel a little better the next morning. We found out in these first two nights a lot about little Azaria. She HATES to sleep in the pack ‘n play, she is a very strong sucker and now I am very sore. She has the cutest cry you will ever hear, until it turns into a pterodactyl shriek, and then you just want to leave her alone and close the door. I also learned that even through the screaming and crying and my inability to make her stop, she has my whole heart in her hands. She is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, a precious jewel, and I wouldn’t trade life with her for anything in the world.
It is now day 4 for Azy in this big old world, and she won her first small victory last night. She slept in increments of 2 ½ to 3 hours and I only had to wake up to feed and change her 3 times. It was AMAZING!!! I am still tired today, but not nearly as much as in the past.
Last night I prayed over this cute little bundle and asked God to help her sleep, help her be able to be soothed when she cries, and help Ryan and I handle the night. While I was praying I was remembering the meaning of her name, “Yahweh helps,” as well as the psalm my pastor reminded me of, where the Hebrew word “Azaria” appears again. Psalm 121:2 says, “My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” All I could think of was, I desperately need you to help us right now, I can’t make her stop the crying on my own, and I certainly can’t make her sleep. Well, wouldn’t you know it, He came through, just like He always does. I think that God gave me this little girl to help me lean more on His strength and not on my own. I haven’t been trusting in Him to provide for me and have been drawing further and further away from him recently, but I feel God’s love and affection in my life now more than ever before. I also feel my love and faith in Him coming back too. If there’s one thing I want everyone to see in this post, it’s that He will help in all circumstances, no matter if they seem silly and minute to us. He will never leave our side, and He has a crazy uncontrollable love for us that will never fade away. Draw closer to Him and you will see your strength return in the tough times.