Those who plan righteousness will be blessed.
Proverbs 12:14 “From the fruit of his mouth a man is satisfied with good, and the work of a man’s hand comes back to him.”
The Lord knows I am messed up and guilty of the sin that I have committed. He knows I am selfish and constantly think about myself and my own needs first. Then maybe, just maybe I will think of other’s needs. But definitely not before my own are met. I am guilty of anger and bitterness. I am guilty of prideful thoughts. I puff myself up in my own mind, and whenever reproof falls before me, what do I revert to? Arrogance and defense. “Well it’s not my fault, he did it first,” I say to myself. I line the room with a million excuses as to why I’m the best things since sliced bread. And really, sliced bread isn’t anything special. So that must make me the best right? Wrong!
God is a very humbling God. When I get a little too prideful He comes to me with reproof in many different ways. Him speaking clearly to me, through me reading the Bible or other Christian literature. Maybe a song comes on the radio, or my boss speaks to me encouraging me to take actions on things I need to work on. God comes to me saying, “Isabella, you are a little too cocky right now, tone it down about 1 million notches and think of me first.”
The Father of the ends of the earth is calling you to His side. He wants to walk with you, not under you.
Today I learned a lesson from a 9 year old. If you asked me 10 years ago if I thought this could happen, I probably would have said no. But the funny thing is, I learn more lessons from them than they learn from me, and I’m supposed to be the teacher here. This particular student learns and thinks differently than my average student. They are very bright, know all the material (well most, I mean I do have to teach something in 3rd and 4th grade now don’t I?) and academically they are right there. Emotionally, not so much. This student is very tough for me. They get angry at the drop of a hat, and with that anger comes refusal to do anything or listen to anything. Recently, this anger and aggression has been increasing and has been leaving me very frustrated.
God has been speaking to me recently on the subject of love and how to love. This morning I made the decision (well, God made the decision to lead me to call upon Him, but you know what I mean) to ask God to remind me that He is right next to me. I asked Him to hold my hand today and never leave my side. The day began and I was pretty content. I went through devotion and then handwriting. I called students up to say their memory which went pretty decent. They were off to PE and I had a few moments to myself (I always love this 30 minute period). The class came back and I began with ELA time. Calling one group up to the front to learn while the others had LA computer time, I began with grammar like I normally do. We were working on predicates and subjects and combining two sentences into one compound sentence. They always hate it when I make them rewrite the sentences but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. We went over the first two sentences together and they were to work on the rest on their own. 10 minutes later I looked at my student and realized they had ½ of the first sentence written and was getting very angry. Remember, we did the first 2 sentences together, so there shouldn’t have been an issue with them not understanding. I asked them why they didn’t have anything written down and they just shrugged as if to say, “I’m not doing it and you can’t make me.” I’m thinking to myself, “I am the teacher, you are the kid, you do what I say and how DARE you refuse.” Oh I was so angry. This refusal is a frequent occurrence with this student, so for it to happen again, I was pretty upset. I sent the student out to the hall to work on it on the desks out there so I could go over the answers with the rest of the class who had already finished.
5 minutes later I walked out and there was still nothing written. I stood next to them and asked what the problem was. In a fist clenching tone they said their pencil was broken. “OOOOOO” I thought, “You are being ridiculous right now.” Saying to the student in a very angry tone, “So you mean to tell me you wasted 15-20 minutes of yours and my time because the lead of your pencil is broken and now you’re angry about it, you’ve got to be kidding me.” I could feel my blood begin to boil I was so angry. So needless to say, I was not very kind in my voice or actions and was DEFINITELY not patient by any means. I had forgotten the request I had made to God just a few hours earlier and it was only 9:30 in the morning. I forgot who was beside me, I forgot who was holding my hand. I forgot what He desired to give me. Love!
So with tears in my eyes I marched to the bathroom to breathe and talk to my Father. I needed to remember that He is the giver of love and he is the one I need to be connected to in order to give that love. I can’t give it on my own, I can’t conjure up love by my own hands. I need to be connected to the source of love, my Father. Then and only then can I give it.
So tomorrow is a new day, will I choose to be connected to my source, or will I try to do it on my own?
“Love covers a multitude of sins,” 1 Peter 4:8.
Only Christ can do this and only Christ can make my heart soft and His light shine through me. God help me, you know I need you!