The Trap of Discontentment

True godliness with contentment is itself great wealth 1 Timothy 6:6

 

I have realized that I have not been content in the life that God has given me. I have been rushing through every aspect and every season laid before me. From the time I was little, I only wanted to grow up and be an adult. Then I wanted to have a boyfriend (man there were so many boys I liked, I just wanted one of them to like me too.) I was discontent with my singleness and my childhood. When I finally went to college and met my boyfriend, I wanted to be married and done with college so I could start my “real life.”

When I started my “real life” I wanted to be used as the hands and feet of Christ in an area that needed it (but Plymouth didn’t need it, right?) I also wanted to have a baby so bad. God sent us to New Mexico to work on a Native Reserve and gave me a baby. I didn’t want the baby, and I wanted to go back. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl whom I love and went back to Michigan, but now I want to go back to New Mexico. My question is, when does the cycle end? When do I stop striving for the things I don’t have, and live in the blessings of the things I do have? When do I realize that He is all I need, and He is what I have?

God was teaching me contentment and what it means to see that He is blessing me and others through me when I live in His presence and focus on Him in New Mexico. When I keep chasing after the future, I miss out on the present, and consequently, I miss out on the beautiful parts of life that God has given to me.

By doing this I have missed out on appreciating being able to have fun with my friends in my singleness with no outside commitments to stop me (not saying those commitments are bad, but they are there). I’ve missed appreciating the carefree spirit I had as a child when I didn’t have the weight of the world on my shoulders as an adult. There’s the excitement of learning new things as a college student and going to steak and shake with my girls at midnight because I don’t have work in the morning. What about the wonderful experiences I had leading lock-ins and youth retreats alongside my husband in Plymouth. Or the beauty of the landscape, the priceless hearts of the people who I was blessed with the opportunity to meet and get to know in Zuni. How about the beautiful blue eye blonde haired little lady I am honored to hear call out for mama every morning, or the amazing and wonderful little princes and princesses I am allowed by the Father to impact every weekday for 9 hours? All of these are things I have been, or am missing out on appreciating because I continue to dwell in the “could be” or the “could have been” aspects of life. I need to understand that God is always with me and will never forsake me.

I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you. Hebrews 13:5.

He will daily walk with me and all I need is to focus on His unfailing love and grace to help me see that He has so many blessings for me in each season of life. Dwell in those seasons and contentment will sink in.

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