Little girls grow up dreaming of knights in shining armor riding in to sweep them off their feet on white horses. They play wedding and dress up over and over again because deep down in their souls they desire to be loved and to be lovely.
As I grew through my teenage years, I fantasized about my wedding day. I’d go on Pinterest for hours and hours looking through all the wedding pictures thinking about what my wedding dress would look like, what my bridesmaids would wear, and what the centerpieces would be. I longed for that day with my whole heart.
I met my amazing husband in college. He was my first official boyfriend. He made me feel like the queen of the world. We very quickly fell head over heals in love with each other. Shortly after we started dating, we began talking about marriage. We both knew that we were the one for each other, it was just a matter of convincing our parents that we were ready to take the long awaited plunge into married life. Everybody thought we were crazy, but we knew that there would and could be no other one.
Ryan and I were married on August 4, 2012 in my grandma’s backyard. It was probably the hottest day that whole summer, but it was absolutely perfect. That following week we went to Canada for our honeymoon and two weeks later I began my final year in college.
Life was very stressful for a while. I was still in school, and my new hubby couldn’t work, since he was from Canada and we were waiting on his work visa. As a child, imagining marriage, you picture it as being so blissful. I imagined that we would do everything together, and might have a few arguments, but nothing that would be too bad. Boy was I wrong. I soon found that we would fight constantly. He wouldn’t spend enough time with me, or I wouldn’t pick up my clothes from the bathroom floor. These little things soon built upon each other into a larger and larger ball of chaos that we felt would never subside. Words would spew out of our mouths that would hurt each other so much. Sometimes we would just walk out of the house and not come back for a long while.
Over time, we learned to work things out better and talk about things that bother us. But honestly, if we didn’t have a solid hold on our Savior, I don’t know if our marriage would have made these 4 years. Through this all, I learned one simple truth, that is “You shall have no other gods except for me!” The first commandment God ever gave us. God’s love is constant and unconditional. That is, we don’t need to do anything in order to get His love, and I certainly don’t deserve it by any means. Our Father has shown me that I have been holding my husband as a “god” before me since I was a little girl. I dreamed and dreamed of a man who would love me for me and would be my best friend” for ever and always. This dream, I feel, tainted my view by allowing my heart to build him up as someone he is simply not. He is human just like me and will inevitably sin. He will make mistakes (a lot) and so will I. We will hurt each other, whether we mean to or not. Those hurt feelings, if we allow them to, will start to make us question if our spouse is the “right one” or not. We will question this because our view on what a husband or wife “should be” or “should do” is skewed to make them into a perfect person, which they simply are not.
When we take our view and direct it to the truth, that God is the only God, and the only one who can fulfill our every need, our lives will be lived for Him, and lived to please Him in every way, instead of our spouse. In addition, we won’t seek that fulfillment from our spouses anymore, and we won’t be disappointed when they can’t and won’t come through on our expectations. This is why my husband will never be my best friend and can never be that for me. My best friend is and will always be my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who is the only one who can satisfy my every need.