God’s Heart Broke My Heart

Go therefore and make disciples of all nations baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit

 Matthew 28:19


God’s heart is for His children.  It’s for His children to come to Him, humbling themselves before the throne.  His heart if for every tongue, every heart, every nation to proclaim His name and sing praises to Him always.  If this is God’s heart, then I want my life’s mission to be, “Set the captives free in Jesus name.”  I want every waking moment to be filled with the desire to proclaim His praises to the nations and show every person in every nation the truth of the Gospel.

In 2013 God broke my heart in a million pieces and left half of those pieces in a small little island called Haiti.  I was blessed with the opportunity to travel with a group of missionaries on my first missions trip ever to the capital of Port Au Prince.  Our team spent the week hosting Vacation Bible School, facilitating with orphan care, and passing out packages of food to the local tent villages.  


After the devastating earthquake in January 2010, the island was left in shambles.  Children lost their parents and parents lost their children.  Families lost their homes all over the island and villages of tents were set up all over the place.  

A home of one of our missionaries godchild


We would go in a big bus to pass out bags of food to families, and we would have to have 2 Haitian body guards with guns in hand or we would be mauled by the mass of starving people.  Everyone wanted food, everyone was hungry, and they knew that only a certain number of them would actually get it.  Knowing that 1 bag was simply not enough, they would try to get more as well.  The moment in that mass of people was the moment that broke my heart the most.  I couldn’t even help pass bags down the line to the front because God had broken me that much.  How can we live in a world where we have so much, yet there is a whole nother world a 6 – 8 hour plane ride away that has so little.  I remember going home from there and snapping at the children I nannied because they wanted to throw out the food I made them for breakfast.  


While we were in Haiti, we were also blessed with the opportunity to care for the orphans.  There are hundreds of orphanages set up all over the island where parents bring their children if they can not care for them.  Most of these children are not abandoned, or left from parents who have died, but they are taken there because their parents know that at the orphanage, their children will receive proper care that they can not provide.  Sometimes their parents will come on a day to day basis to visit with them.  


The first of the two orphanages we went to we were not allowed to take pictures of.  This orphanage had hundreds and hundred of children and only a handful of nuns to care for them all.  The “sick ward” was set up in a very long room filled with rows and rows of cribs.  Children would be lying in these cribs sometimes for weeks without being held (except to be changed).  They were starving for attention in addition to nourishment.  We walked into the room and the first child I saw was a beautiful little girl.  She was the size of a 7 month old, but was actually about 3 or 4 years old.  She was sick and dying from diseases that we don’t even have here in the US anymore because they are treated with basic medical care.  I held her for so long, knowing that I may have been the only loving contact she had for a long time.  When I went to put her down in her crib again she clung to me so tight and started crying like I was hurting her.  But the thing is, I was hurting her.  Her heart was longing for love, love that was void from her life.  My heart broke all over again.  


I held three children in the one and a half to two hours we were there.  All three children broke my heart as I had to set them down.  All three children were dying of diseases that could be prevented with basic medical care.  All three children were dying of heart break because of the love that every human being needs.  Oh I wish I could take over that orphanage.  Oh I wish I could give them all proper medical attention, hire enough workers or volunteers to properly attend to each child’s needs and have enough food to give them all proper nutrition.  


It has been three years since this country came into my life and stole my heart, and I have wanted to be back there ever since.  I have not been the same person I was before that week.  People will tell me, “Chelsea, you can’t save the world.  Chelsea, you can’t fix everything.”  I know I can’t change the world, but I have to try.  I have to try one person at a time.  One brokenhearted orphan at a time.  One hungry villager at a time.  Because this my friends, is God’s heart.  And if it is God’s heart, then it is my heart too.




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