I’m thinking back to a story in the Old Testament about a man named Joseph. Joseph had one big problem. He had 12 older brothers and all of them hated his guts. They were extremely jealous that their father loved Joseph more than any of them. They were jealous that he was richly blessed because of this favor. They were also jealous of his dreams. These dreams showed that he would rule over his brothers and that they would all bow to him.
I’m not quite sure what he was thinking, but after having each of these dreams, he would then go and tell his brothers and parents all about it. As their jealousy grew, they started to plot against him. In the end we find that they sold him into slavery in Egypt. Many years later, Joseph became a high up official for Pharaoh and was the person who portioned out food for everyone in the land when a drought came over it. His brothers came to him and he revealed to them who he really was. They were terrified. But then, out of love and great wisdom, he spoke his famous line to them,
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good” Genesis 50:20
I can’t help but connect this to everything that I have been going through over the last year. You can find out what happened to me one year ago in this blog, My Little Miracle.
For those of you who don’t know what has been going on in the Noack household for the last couple of weeks, here it is.
Starting on May 3rd around 6 pm I began getting really itchy, and when I looked at my arms I saw severe rashes. After further inspection I realized that the rash had spread over my entire body with red blotches and raised red bumps everywhere. I took a benedryl and went to bed. When I woke up in the morning I realized that my face was completely swollen, the rash had gotten worse, and I was having trouble breathing. I tried to wait it out and go to the clinic at 8, but when I got there, they told me they wouldn’t even see me if they could, I needed to go to the hospital. After 3 hours in the hospital they were able to get the swelling and rashes to go away completely, so they sent me home with some medicine. That night, May 4th, I started getting itchy again but there weren’t any rashes, so I went to bed. I woke up the next morning with the rash completely back and my face swollen. In addition, I had my hands and arms swollen and my throat was starting to close. I went back to the hospital where they gave me more medicine. However, my heart began to race, I couldn’t control my cough, and I am pregnant, so the hospital put in a transfer for me to Beaumont Hospital where there was an allergy specialist I could see while I was there. A couple hours later I was on my way to the hospital via ambulance.
After I had arrived at Beaumont and they had put me in an observation room in the ER for the night, one of the doctors came in to tell me that I would not be able to see an allergy specialist because that is not the procedure. I had to make a separate appointment after I left the hospital in order to see one. I became very frustrated and expressed to this doctor that this was the whole purpose of sending me to this hospital in the first place. I have to see the specialist. She continued to insist that it was not possible and mentioned that even if she called, it wouldn’t happen. Without even thinking, I told her, “OK, you make that call, and God can give me favor if He chooses. If He chooses, He will make it happen.” She kind of looked back at me in a little bit of what seemed like shock and said hesitantly, “OK, I can call, but it’s not going to happen.” I reaffirmed her that that is not up to her, as long as she does her part and tries, God will do the rest. Two hours later the doctor came back into the room, chuckled, and said, “The doctor will be here to see you in the morning.” Smiling, I said, “That is God’s favor, thank you.” Now looking back at what happened, I know that was God speaking because if it was me, I would have been too afraid to be so bold with her.
Moving on, I spent 3 nights in the hospital and was moved around to several different rooms. (More miracles happened that will be shared later.) They had me on a lot of different medicine, and on Saturday, May 7th, I was discharged after they knew they were able to control the rash and breathing with the medicine. After leaving the hospital, over the next several days I had difficulty taking care of Azaria on my own (which I still do), walking around without feeling out of breath, dizziness, and the like.
Tuesday, May 10th I started to feel like my throat was closing again but thought I would wait it out to see if it would get better. It didn’t, and got much worse, so I went back to the hospital only to have them give me some benadryl and basically tell me they didn’t believe me. Then they sent me home. It’s been one week since then and I have been to several different doctors to talk about what is going on. They have increased my medicine, and all have different ideas of what is happening to me. I have not been working since this all started on the 3rd, and my doctor is now not allowing me to go back this school year.
My emotions through it all are frustration with the inability to agree on an issue, or know how to make it better. Frustration that this is happening again with another pregnancy (one doctor believes it is another rare pregnancy related disorder caused by the progesterone my body is producing.) Fear that I am not going to be able to have more children. Fear that this is going to continue through the duration of the pregnancy (I’m due in November) or longer. Fear that something will happen to my unborn child. Frustration that we just paid off our medical debt from the last pregnancy issues and now we are so far into debt again. Frustration that I don’t understand what God is doing entirely right now. Probably the biggest emotion I am feeling is the feeling of failure, that I can’t seem to complete a school year, that I am letting a lot of people down and I have to break another commitment.
Aside from all of these emotions, I am overwhelmed with the presence of the Lord at this point in my life, and even though it is hard sometimes, I am relying on the promise that even though the enemy meant all this for my harm, God meant it all for my good! He is strengthening me through everything, and teaching me daily what it means to just rely on Him for all I need. I don’t need to fear anything because He is for me. I don’t need to stress about the money because God will provide. I don’t need to feel like I’ve failed, because even though I can’t hold up my commitment, He will hold me up through it all and will be my success.
The Lord is teaching me through the story of His servant Joseph, that He’s got this, I just need to step aside and let Him work.
In addition to this lesson, God is slowly putting on my heart the healing that He desires in my life. Not just physical healing, but emotional and spiritual as well. He is helping me to realize that I am not healthy in any of these areas, in fact, I am a mess. I don’t eat proper, I don’t exercise, I am constantly thinking negatively, and I haven’t been praying or reading His word like I should. All of these things leave an incredible amount of room for the enemy to do his job. So in putting all of this out there for all of you to see, I am praying that God will give me accountability on my life-long journey of renewal. I am not looking for an easy 30 day scheme, but a life long commitment to God redesigning and rebuilding my temple. It’s like the ultimate “Fixer Upper” show! (Yes, I am an addict to HGTV.)
I am also hoping that this will leave you encouraged to think about your own personal journey to overall health. God made you and designed you in His own image. He knit you together in your mother’s womb. Your are fearfully and wonderfully created. Don’t believe me? Just look in the Bible (those were all verses). Your body is a temple, and was meant to glorify God. Are you glorifying God in every way with your temple? I know I certainly am not. Isn’t it time to take it back and have God rebuild it for you?