You will find a series of posts here over the next few days about all the wonders that I have seen a great God do in the past few days because there is just too much for just one post. I think I am going to begin though, with the love that has been lavished on me in just one day. That day is today!
I was discharged from the hospital this afternoon, and although we were very excited to be leaving, Ryan and I felt a wave of overwhelming stress about a lot of different things. One is the medical debt that is sure to flood our mailbox over the next 6 to 12 months. But I think the biggest one was the unknown about why this all had to happen in the first place. Why is it that every pregnancy seems to come with spontaneous life threatening medical complications that no one can explain why my body decided to provide me with. As well as the unknown about what this means for our future. It is no secret that we want to have a very large family, and we want as many children as we can have. But now, we are unsure about whether that dream will come to fruition with the dangers that I have already faced thus far.
When I got home today I was met by the first wave of love lavishing that our Father decided to give me, my daughter! I haven’t seen little miss Azaria Lynn since Thursday morning and my mama heart was surely hurting the entire time. But to walk into the door and have her give me the biggest smile and reaching arms she could muster, she just started being overwhelmed with giggles the second I picked her up! This filled my heart, and now it is overflowing!
The second wave of love, and by far the most surprising, came to me when I went to my mailbox and discovered 14 little notes of prophecy over me from my students. This school year has been a rough one for me, and the struggles that I have with some of my students are very real. Additionally, because my body is especially susceptible to stress based illnesses, teaching has been especially trying on me, which is why my husband and I made the decision to step back and take a break from it for at least a couple of years for me to refocus on my health and my family. Because of my struggles, I have felt like I have had to play the “mean card” with my student which has left me feeling like they will be glad when I am gone.
However, to go to my mailbox and find it shoved full with little letters and notes was such a surprise. I sat down to read them and found them filled with so much wisdom and so much sweetness (and a couple with just silliness.) One third grade student wrote, “Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed, it means the damage no longer controls our lives.” Then this student put a little dandelion in there for me just because. I found verses of healing and verses of comfort telling me that “God will never leave me.” There were even notes with pictures of me in the hospital with Jesus standing by my head and holding it. To see all of this couldn’t do anything more than to show me that God speaks through anyone he chooses, even children.
After this I started to realize something. Even when we don’t feel like our time means anything, or the things we do are making any difference, we don’t see the work behind the scenes that our Father does. God says that nothing is done without a purpose in mind from Him. He is the author of all, and he can turn even the worst situations into amazing things. Therefore, me going to the hospital was necessary for a specific purpose. It took me quite a while to figure it out, but I finally realized why I was supposed to be there. Now, in the aftermath of it all, I can feel the love and the peace that God gives even in the hardest of times. That story will be saved for another blog at another time.